


The rules of the Watchpoint

by DpsMercy



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Funny, Humor, Jokes, M/M, More tags will come, Mostly Crack, No Plot/Plotless, Noodle Dragons, comment to help, so random, what a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-01 05:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 73
Words: 16,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10181591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DpsMercy/pseuds/DpsMercy
Summary: This is a list of rules created by Winston, because common sense is apparently quite uncommon between overwatch agents.Updates every sunday.Comment your own rules and they might show up in the next chapter.





	1. Introduction.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try at anything like this.  
> If you have any ideas, comment.

  This is a list of rules created by Winston, because common sense is apparently quite uncommon between overwatch agents.

 

  1. Just because these rules are directed at field agents doesn’t mean they aren’t good ideas for everyone else as well.
  2. No one is to have a contest to see who can cause more of these rules to be created. Anyone who sees this happening should report it instead of joining in.
  3. These rules are for the benefit of the smooth running of this organization. They are not to be used as a ‘bucket list’.
  4. If you have to ask if something is allowed, you probably know the answer already.
  5. Follow them at least once in a while.




	2. Concerning current agents:

  1. Some agents get away by calling each other stupid nicknames because they are close friends. Try it at your own risk.
  2. Asking any female agent if it is ‘that time of the month’ is not a good idea.
  3. Pissing off Hanzo will get you nothing but a Darwin award. Learn from Genji’s experience. The only exception to this rule is McCree, who somehow seems to get out alive.
  4. Do not mess with Ana’s tea if you value your life.
  5. Do not ask Ana if she was a pirate in her previous life. When you wake up alone on an island, we will not feel bad for you.
  6. Ana is not allowed to sleep dart anyone who annoys her.
  7. Ana is not to sleep dart me for implementing this rule.
  8. Should you ever triple dog dare anyone to do anything, you will be held just as accountable for the resulting consequences.
  9. Zenyatta might be mild-mannered, but it does not give you permission to be rude to him. He won’t do anything, but Genji will.
  10. Please do not taunt Fareeha with bird calls. You will not dodge whatever she throws back at you. If nothing is on hand, she uses rockets.




	3. Concerning random sayings and excuses:

  1. ‘[Agent name] dared me’ is not a valid excuse.
  2. ‘For science!’ is not a valid excuse.
  3. ‘For the vine’ is not a valid excuse.
  4. ‘YOLO’ is not an excuse. ‘On va voir’ either.
  5. ‘Bite me’ is not an invitation.
  6. ‘Fuck me sideways’ is not an invitation. If, on a rare occasion, it is, please not in public.
  7. ‘Pulled a Tracer’ is not to be used as a synonym to doing something extremely fast, especially not on paperwork.
  8. Chanting “She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll punch you in the face” is banned. Those punches often arrive.
  9. ‘It’s a bird, it’s a plane- no, it’s a bird’ is not to be yelled at Fareeha.
  10. Repeating other agent's catchphrases in a mocking voice will not earn you laughter, only pain.




	4. Concerning Talon agents:

  1. Stop letting Talon agents into the watchpoint! They are our enemies!
  2. If you do not follow the previous rule: at least make sure you make they follow the watchpoint rules. Please.
  3. Sombra is not allowed access to computers when she is angry. How did you even shut off so many government databases at once?
  4. Sombra is not allowed to hack websites simply because the information is ‘utter bullshit.’
  5. Reaper is to stop shadow-stepping behind people to scare them, especially if said people are playing horror games or watching horror movies. The amount of bullet holes in the watchpoint walls is alarming.
  6. Please do not follow Reaper around humming the Ghostbusters song. He doesn’t like that at all.
  7. Morrison, stop abandoning missions to go fuck Reyes.
  8. Sombra, we do not need to know what you do with your girlfriend.
  9. Stop trying to ‘bring Amélie back’. Widowmaker does not like it and Angela is tired of picking bullets out of you.
  10. Stop asking Widowmaker ‘Are you feeling blue?’ and variations of thereof.




	5. Concerning public rooms:

  1. The closed circuit TV cameras are of extremely good quality. We can clearly see who you are and who or what you are doing in the corridors.
  2. That last rule was not to be taken as encouragement.
  3. Whoever keeps putting up the “it’s been [...] days since the last incident” poster will stop now.
  4. Restock the fridge if you empty it.
  5. No food wars.
  6. No cook-offs, as good as the results are, the mess is unbearable.
  7. Hana is not allowed to cook after the infamous Spaghetti incident.
  8. We all have collections of hilariously inappropriate shirts. Just do not wear them in public. Those concerned by this rule, you know who you are.
  9. Stop raiding everyone’s rooms to build a giant pillow fort in the common room. Hana, why?
  10. Training room D is meant for _training_ , not fucking, no matter if the name then becomes a pun.




	6. Concerning games and movie nights:

  1. Someone is to always supervise any video game challenge Hana issues to Genji. Those two are way too competitive.
  2. McCree is not allowed to play poker.
  3. No blackmail is to be used to get the right to decide on the movie. I expected that from Genji or even Hanzo, but not you Angela.
  4. Stop sending me Harambe memes. HOW DO YOU EVEN FIND THOSE RELICS?
  5. The unofficial Meme competition has to stop NOW!
  6. Please keep twister PG.
  7. Please keep poker PG.
  8. Please listen to rule 3 and 4 at least once in a while.
  9. No more anti-gravity dodgeball tournaments. Zarya why?
  10. No weapons at monopoly tournaments.




	7. Concerning current agents part 2:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 99 kudos in two days! Hurrah! You all made me so happy!

  1. If Junkrat asks you to help test out his… anything, ‘no’ is both the prudent and physically beneficial answer.
  2. Do not disturb Satya while she is working. She might seem calmer than most people, but she will rip you to shreds.
  3. If Torbjörn has been in his workshop for over 48 hours, get him out. Refer to the microwave overlord incident as an example of what might happen otherwise.
  4. Prank wars should be kept to the level that avoids property damage.
  5. Stop trying to scare Bastion with explosions or machine gun fire sounds. It’s cruel, most of you should know that.
  6. When texting with each other, double-check that you have not hit ‘reply all’ or ‘send to all’. Mental bleach has not yet been invented.
  7. Sombra will stop hacking Genji to make him continuously punch himself in the face.
  8. Sombra will stop hacking Satya’s turrets to make them display hearts. It might seem cute, but do you know how many complaints she has filed? Too many!
  9. ~~Sombra can do whatever she want~~ s.
  10. Sombra cannot hack this list to add her own rules!




	8. Concerning current agents part 3:

  1. Jack Morrison will stop faking he is not Jack but only Soldier:76. Everyone knows it’s you, Jack. No disguise works when your ass is a rectangle.
  2. Understand that the main food groups found in the kitchens are: ice cream, cup noodles, alcohol, and whatever Reinhardt cooks (and Doritos and Mountain Dew which you shouldn't touch without Hana’s permission). You have legs, you can go to the store and get whatever you want instead of whining. And never complain to Angela. We don't need another two-hour-long ‘a balanced diet is important’ presentation.
  3. Stop trying to bribe me with peanut butter. It is still appreciated, though.
  4. No touching any of Lúcio’s sound equipment, It’s not worth it.
  5. No reprogramming Athena to sound like Schwarzenegger.
  6. McCree can no longer respond to ‘can you give me hand?’ by throwing his prosthetic at people.
  7. .Just accept any random gift of sticks or leaves or flowers Bastion gives you, they get very sad if you don’t. They are just trying their best to be friendly.
  8. Joking about Torbjörn being Bastion’s best friend will get you nothing but a hammer to the knee if he overhears. Learn from McCree’s experience.
  9. Torbjörn asked me to put this here: do not call him: Torby, Turbo, Toblerone, Ternblr, Tumblr, Tjöbjön, Treble, Tôŕbjœřñ, and such. (However, you can call him that when he doesn’t hear. I’m not really enforcing this rule.)
  10. Torbjorn is not allowed to put up turrets in the doorways of people that have irked him.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has everyone read the Bastion comic? Bastion is so adorable, and Torb certainly earns the 'not as big of a jerk as you could have been' award.


	9. Concerning the med-bay and healers:

  1. Never do anything you don’t want to have to explain to Angela. If she doesn’t spill the details, someone else will.
  2. Walking away from an explosion without looking might be considered ‘cool’, but it’s not so cool to end up in the med-bay because you didn’t see a piece of shrapnel flying right at you.
  3. There is not a formal or informal competition to cause Angela to be so pissed off that she shoots someone. Fareeha will know.
  4. If Angela is threatening to shoot you, back. away. slowly.
  5. You cannot just ‘walk it off’ if you have broken bones.
  6. Leaving AMA is not permitted. I’ll send Ana to hunt you down.
  7. Stop replacing Lúcio’s music with country tunes. You made the guy cry three times already, and nobody needs to hear Cotton Eye Joe when they are getting bullets ripped out their leg.
  8. Do not annoy Ana. Despite the fact that her rifle rounds are made to heal, they still hurt when they hit some unnamed places and despite missing an eye, she still has great aim.
  9. Same with Zenyatta. A metal orb hitting your face at full speed is painful.
  10. Nobody talks about the bonesaw incident.




	10. Concerning weapons:

  1. No ‘glitterifying’ weapons.
  2. No ‘glitterifying’ armor.
  3. If it includes glitter, assume it’s not allowed.
  4. Yes, we have a lot of very impressive ‘toys’. Just use them wisely.
  5. Stop trying to use Torbjörn’s hammer as a normal one.
  6. Don’t try to use Reinhardt’s hammer as a normal one. Most of you can’t even lift it.
  7. Replacing weapons with the Nerf equivalent is not permitted.
  8. Replacing weapons with paintball look-alikes is not permitted.
  9. Don't tell Junkrat to 'make Lena’s or Fareeha’s bombs work better because they are gonna love it'. They won't.
  10. No ‘upgrading’ weapons or gear by yourselves. Lúcio’s try resulted in many burst eardrums, Lena’s made her disappear into the ether, I cannot count how many rules of physics and gravity Zarya broke, and I’m sure Gibraltar did not appreciate a snowstorm in summer, Mei.




	11. Concerning pets:

  1. McCree, stop bringing in dogs.
  2. Genji, stop bringing in cats.
  3. Hana, stop bringing in bunnies. _They multiply._
  4. Stop hiding Lúcio’s pet frog. That’s just cruel, to the frog and to Lúcio.
  5. Stop trying to make Ganymede our mascot. 
  6. Stop buying the shimada dragons squeaky toys. Nobody needs to wake up from that hellish sound coming from the vents at 3 am.
  7. If something shiny of yours disappears, first try to find the dragon’s hoards and if it’s not there, _then_ blame whoever might have taken it.
  8. Zarya and Mei are not allowed to have a pet polar bear. HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IT HERE?
  9. McCree does not need a horse. He said so himself.
  10. Hanzo, no wolves. 




	12. Concerning missions:

  1. Under no circumstances should you ever utter the phrase ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’
  2. Always keep Murphy’s Law in mind.
  3. Reminder, WHICH SHOULD BE USELESS: stop abandoning missions to go fuck your Talon boyfriends/girlfriends.
  4. When traveling long distances by car for an operation, standard road trip rules of thumb apply. Therefore, the driver picks the music, unless the driver is McCree. 
  5. Lena is not allowed to drive. It’s a speed _limit_ , not a speed _challenge_.
  6. Never yell ‘Do a barrel roll!’ when Lena is the pilot.
  7. On the same note, there are safety belts in the planes for a reason. Use them.
  8. Let’s never try the ‘switch weapons for one mission’ idea again.
  9. You know what happens when there’s no healer? You die. Protect them, or I’m blaming you.
  10. Get on the payload. Please.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The number 9 is just me being salty. I'm always the designated healer, and that one Tracer or Genji everyone lets slip will just make my life a living hell while everyone watches me get killed and then spams 'i need healing' right after I do.


	13. Concerning down time:

  1. Shopping trips that end in twenty stops at the lingerie store are prohibited. Said lingerie is not to be put on and photographed for a ‘Sexy calendar’. It sold out surprisingly quick before I could stop it. The question is, how drunk or high were you all?
  2. Hide and seek is okay. Raising it to such level that I had to go all over the world to get you back for a mission is not. ‘I’m in the Sahara’ is not a good hint, Ana.
  3. If you have to say ‘I’m betting [...] that I get out alive.” Don't do whatever you’re planning.
  4. No more Risk. Ever. Who thought it a good idea to jump of increasingly tall building just to see if Fareeha can catch you at the last second?
  5. No more Cards Against Humanity. I’m scarred for life.
  6. Even if it’s called ‘communal kitchen’, it does not mean you should drag people there at an ungodly hour and call it ‘team building’.
  7. Team building is not synonymous to getting black-out drunk together.
  8. Ana is the only person capable of approving team-building exercises.
  9. I am taking back my previous statement. Ana can no longer approve team-building exercises. I am disappointed in you, Ana.
  10. Do not assist Hana in recreating any music videos or other forms of internet fads.




	14. Concerning current agents part 4:

  1. No calling Angela Doctor Barbie. She only follows the Hippocratic oath so far.
  2. Athena is not your personal slave. Use google.
  3. Nobody is to try to repeat the googly eye incident.
  4. Stop calling Angela out on her hypocrisy. We all know how she tells us to get plenty of rest and eat healthily, all while she stays up for over 72 hours and mostly survives on coffee, chocolate and whatever booze I’m sure she must have in her table drawer. However, she is also the one trying to deal with all of you, so I don’t blame her.
  5. No screaming at Fareeha for ‘cannibalism’ when she eats an omelet or eggs. Pre-caffeinated Fareeha is scary.
  6. Lena, stop rushing off to go see Emily every time we go to Britain.
  7. Stop putting stickers all over Genji. However he does like the sparkly ones, so you can keep gluing on those.
  8. Whoever made the ‘hotest ass’ and ‘most badass muscles’ rankings and posted them all over the internet will not do that again. Don’t you remember that Overwatch is illegal and none of us should even be anywhere near each other?
  9. Whoever bought those 30 king-sized bags of M&Ms will never do it again. I’m sure they will agree, as we all witnessed what happens when you have a sugar-high Lena, Hana, Lucio and Genji in one room.
  10. Bastion’s garden is now the designated time-out area. No fighting there. And if they decide to ask you for help gardening, help them.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will now start coming slower, mostly because my main ideas have already been used, and because school is a pain.


	15. Concerning current agents part 5:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your fav rule so far, I want to try to write quick explanations of why Winston had to implement each of those.

  1. If Angela is eating gummy worms, do not ask her to feed you ‘like a mama bird’.
  2. Stop pissing off Sombra when she’s hacking. When she gets mad she can't think straight, which causes her hacking to mess up which makes her even madder. I don’t want to replace that many electronics at once ever again.
  3. Stop asking Junkrat why he is always covered in soot. He likes to demonstrate why, and you’ll be tasked with cleaning the scorch marks.
  4. Stop stealing other agents’ gear to dress up as them.
  5. If you want to play with explosives, do it outside. I’m not even going to try to stop you anymore.
  6. Just don’t even go close to Hana’s meka without her around. The last time Zarya leaned on it, she got stuck halfway sucked into it.
  7. Whoever rigged the coms to play horror movie music whenever someone’s awake at night will undo it.
  8. Stop playing ‘how many cans of energy drinks can you chug before you have to be dragged to Angela’. However, I place my bets on Hana winning whenever you do. 
  9. Injuries caused by a pulse bomb that Lena takes responsibility for using will cost you. I’m so tired of this. (idea suggested by: dudebladeX)
  10. No civilians are allowed in our bases.This rule does not apply to Lena's girlfriend, Emily, only because she threatened to quit otherwise. (idea suggested by: dudebladeX)




	16. Concerning current recruits part 6:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of your suggestions, I got this done early :3  
> Remember: Please comment your fav rule so far, I want to try to write quick explanations of why Winston had to implement each of those.

  1. There are no ‘unofficial joining ceremonies’ so stop organizing them.
  2. There are no impromptu makeshift hallway obstacle courses/death traps rookies have to run. Rookies, do not believe what anyone says.
  3. Mission reports are not to be filled out in haiku, limericks, or any other sort of poetry. Comics also don't count, however, I am impressed by the detail that came into illustrating an entire mission.
  4. What Hana, Genji, or McCree consider a good idea is not necessarily a good idea in the eyes of everyone else.
  5. Please refrain from challenging McCree, Hanzo, or Reinhardt to a drinking game. Any of these challenges will very likely result in your needing medical assistance due to alcohol poisoning.
  6. Everyone likes to hear a joke now and then, but if it’s so dirty that Genji or McCree would tell it, then don’t even bother. We most likely heard it already. Kudos for trying.
  7. Please stop joking ‘shipping’ people, especially those who are already in relationships. I think the time Fareeha almost broke Widowmaker’s neck after someone spammed her with pictures of Widow and Angela chatting over tea (followed by implications I will not mention) is a lesson to all of us. (Idea suggested by BethCyra)
  8. Asking Angela and Fareeha about their 'private lives' in the bedroom is none of your business (Yes, even you, Ana). If you ask one of them and get punched or yelled at, don't say that I didn't warn you. (Suggested by Sword_of_Artorias)
  9. Actually, just stop asking ANYONE about their sex lives. Many of us don't want to know, and the rest of you are too eager to share. (Suggested by bzarcher)
  10. Morrison will stop using all of his old passes and credentials to do whatever he wants on base without Athena warning me about it. (Idea suggested by sigmatimelord)



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your fav rule so far, I want to try to write quick explanations of why Winston had to implement each of those.


	17. How the rules came to be:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for slow updates. It's exam time at my school. But I do have more fic ideas :3

  1. **Ana is the only person capable of approving team-building exercises. / ** **I am taking back my previous statement.  Ana can no longer approve team-building exercises. I am disappointed in you, Ana.  
****** Winston was tired. Getting this bunch of ragtag soldiers to work together was hard, and after a week of failed team building exercises which all ended in varying degrees of chaos, he left the work to Ana. The old sniper would certainly know what to do, after all, she had been herding around the old team way back when. She had promised to instantly get them out of his hair so that he could have some peace for over ten minutes.  
Eleven minutes later there was an explosion, a dozen alarms were blaring, and Winston watched as someone flew -fell- by his window. How anyone could take a dodgeball competition that far, he would never know.  
 **  
**
  2. **If Angela is eating gummy worms, do not ask her to feed you ‘like a mama bird’.**  
Winston was in the rec room, discussing better attack plans for future missions with Angela and Ana. The two healers, as they always kept behind the front lines, often had a better viewpoint on how to deal with any talon movements. The swiss doctor was currently only nodding along and not giving much input, her mouth full of gummy worms from the giant bag she was slowly emptying while she most likely tried to give herself a sugar rush to avoid the usual 48-hours-without-sleep crash. But something drew Winston’s attention: Hana and Genji, whispering to each other and giggling. Before the scientist could wonder about the topic, Genji seemed to stand straighter.  
“Hey, Angela!” He called out, making the doctor sleepily turn, the end of a gummy worm still hanging out from between her lips. “Would you feed me like a mama bird?” He continued in his most mock-seductive tone.  
There was no time to blink as suddenly Angela lifted something, a shot echoed, and Genji collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut.  
“Sorry for borrowing your sleep dart gun.” The doctor stated as she gave the gun back to Ana, who was already walking towards Genji to take pictures, just like Hana.  
  

  3. **McCree does not need a horse. He said so himself.**  
“Winston, they got me a horse.” McCree deadpanned as he walked into the lab.  
“I’m sorry?” Winston couldn’t help but ask.  
“Hana, Lúcio, Genji and Lena got me a horse because apparently, I need one to complete my cowboy look. I do not want it, by the way.”  
“And you are here because…”  
McCree looked like he had seen the worst of horrors. “We really need help.”  
That’s when horrified screams and furious whinnying echoed down the hall leading to the lab, followed by the hit of hooves against tile and even more terrified screams.  
  

  4. **Reaper is to stop shadow-stepping behind people to scare them, especially if said people are playing horror games or watching horror movies. The amount of bullet holes in the watchpoint walls is alarming.**  
Five agents sat on the rec room couch in anxious silence and Genji made the game character creep down the hall. The newest game of Outlast had finally arrived, and Hana instantly got her gaming buddies to come play it with her, though she gave up 20 minutes in, in favor of clutching a pachimari to her chest.  
“I think I just heard something.” Lúcio warned, making everyone flinch at the break of silence. The game character crept forward, looking around a corner.  
“I think it’s safe.” Genji mumbled.  
 ** _“Are you sure?”_** A rumbling growl resounded behind the group and five screams echoed before Reaper had to ghost to avoid a few sets of different ammo and one sonic blast.  
  

  5. **No more anti-gravity dodgeball tournaments. Zarya why?  
** After failing to find any agent in the entirety of the watchpoint, Winston asked Athena for help and then had to hold back a surprised gasp. All agents, in the training hall, together, for over an hour? That was something that you could have told Winston only to have him laugh and ask about your mental health. He needed to see what was so important that it got everyone into training.  
The first thing he registered as he walked through the training room doors was the fact that his feet no longer touched the ground, his whole body slowly floating up.  
The second was the fearful gasps all around him as a dodgeball came flying full-speed at his face.




	18. Concerning current agents part 7:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for lack of updates, but it's exam time and I rarely find the time to even brainstorm ideas. Might be updating more soon.

  1. Zarya and Reinhard will stop their arm wrestling competitions. I’m not paying for a third broken table.
  2. Stop the ‘is yaint a word’ discourse. 
  3. Stop trying to ‘Make Zenyatta lose his Zen’. Genji says that just nuking the watchpoint would be a better idea.
  4. Please, for the love of whatever’s listening, no more nyan cat over the comms. I will blow this place sky-high if I hear it again this decade.
  5. Morrison will stop using a golf club to throw his biotic canisters to heal at a distance. And if he still does it, he will stop aiming at people’s heads. (Idea suggested by Sigmatimelord)
  6. Zenyatta is not allowed to make anymore 'im too baller for ___' jokes as excuses not to do chores. (Suggested by Sigmatimelord)
  7. Hana is to stop recalling her mech on top of other agents. Angela already has to deal with enough people besides flattened cowboys. (Suggested by Cariel)
  8. Reaper will learn to use the goddamn DOOR! Stop wraithing and shadow stepping everywhere and using whatever that shadow shit is to get through vents or under door gaps into rooms. It scares people, and I’m so tired of fixing bullet holes in the Watchpoint walls! (Idea suggested by 2ea_tea)
  9. Do not feed Ganymede anything but bird food. You might make her sick and we don't have a veterinarian on hand. If you do make her sick, not only will you pay for the vet, but also for all the repair costs of the times Bastion shot at something because worry is really not good for their wiring. (Suggested by CalamityCons)
  10. The dragons incident is forbidden to be brought up, especially in front of the healers. God help you two if both of you dare bring it up to Angela. She WILL send Ana and Fareeha to hunt you two down. (Suggested by Sword_of_Artorias)




	19. Concerning current agents part 8:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this new chapter, say thanks to two commenters: Merchantman and RandomHumaaaaan.

  1. The briefing room is meant for briefings. Go play ping pong somewhere else.
  2. Do not play chicken with the Orcas, Lena is our only fully qualified pilot who can pull off all kinds of stunts.
  3. Phareeha is banned from the weekly food fight (why did you start that, Lena?) because she loaded pudding into her suit and yelled "Porridge rains from above!". Agents will be randomly selected to clean that up.
  4. Stop asking Genji what weapons he can deflect, although I am impressed that he can redirect a fire strike with a sword.
  5. Let me phrase it this way: unless you want your legs ripped off and shoved down your throat, refrain from touching my favorite glasses.  
(Rules 1 to 5 suggested by Merchantman)
  6. Never ever EVER again have a contest to see who can make the best sticky bomb. You have no idea how close Jamieson's room is to the medical lab, and I fear our medics with a vendetta more than all of you put together.
  7. Hanzo must never invite Fareeha to a shooting contest, at least when they are using their mission weapons. Actually, none of you do that.
  8. "I'm sure that if Mei freezes the bomb, it won't explode!" Were the worst and almost last words uttered by Genji. Do not repeat what he did.
  9. We never want to hear the words "Nerf this!" if Jamison has been able to touch Hana's mech in the past week. Nor “Justice rains from above!”. Actually, any explosives which he has altered, do not touch.
  10. The fact that I call you our explosives expert, does _not_ mean that you can set off explosives whenever you like, Jamison.  
(Rules 6 to 10 suggested by RandomHumaaaaan)




	20. Concerning training:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the many comments. I think I now have enough for almost two whole chapters! But I'll try to pace posting them so that you don't get giant pauses with nothing whatsoever.

  1. Range time is a requirement. Trick shot competitions in the range are not.
  2. Do not stand next to Zarya or Reinhardt and wonder out loud if they could lift something as they will take that as a challenge. I don’t need a repeat of Zarya lifting me while bellowing “For mother Russia!”.
  3. If you want to move sometime in the next three days, do not ask Zarya or Reinhardt to supervise your training.
  4. No surprise paintball wars. The clean-up lasts hours. All participants engaged in paintball warfare will have workouts supervised by Zarya for the next month.
  5. No more playing Eye of the Tiger at the gym. Overenthusiasm has lead to several broken bones, a hole in a wall, burst lights and several cracked floor tiles.
  6. You are free to experiment with different tactics. However whoever decided to see what would happen if you nano boosted Lena while she was blinking around while Lúcio amped up speedboost, is no longer allowed to voice any such ideas. It took a week to get Lena from wherever she went in time and space.
  7. There is not an ‘achievement list’ for what kind of crazy stunts you must learn to pull off.
  8. If you are planning on exchanging suits and armor, at least instruct the wearer on how to use them. I know Angela had a fun time watching everyone slam face-first into a wall when following Genji, but the concussions took a while to heal.
  9. Lúcio is not to outfit everyone’s gear with wall-riding skates.
  10. “How long ‘till you drop” is not a training regiment to ever be tried in the gym ever again.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, voting time: I have an idea for a fic: Sombra asks out an overwatch agent just to spite Reaps and Widow. Feelings ensue. But I can't decide who the agent should be: Zarya or Symmetra. So please vote. (You can also suggest someone you want)


	21. Concerning current agents part 9:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling great, there are so many suggestions, so here you all go!

  1. "It's High Noon!" Is a catchphrase, not a guideline/rule/regulation. Do not challenge McCree to an ultimate showdown at 10:30 pm or something thinking you'll be safe just because it's not actually 12 pm. Some of our healers like to sleep a little earlier than others, and they may just let you bleed out.
  2. Actually, Ana, Mercy, and Zenyatta, please do not actually let those fools bleed out. And Lucio, please stop laughing at them for even trying.
  3. Stop trying to break up Lena and Emily. I don't care if it messes your 'Widowtracer' ship, it's just mean.
  4. Follow up to that previous one; Stop trying to get them in a polygamous relationship. I don't care if it 'fixes' your ship either.
  5. NEVER enter Hana's room (or open her door) while the 'on air' sign is on. Hana WILL get payback for streambombing/screwing up her game regardless of your rank, and it WILL be painful. Lúcio however, is exempt from this rule. Hana likes him well enough.
  6. Unless you want to be chased by a green dragon, do not interrupt Zenyatta's and Genji's Meditation time.
  7. Do not ask whether a gun or bow and arrows are better.
  8. Please stop trying to scare Zenyatta. One hole in the roof is enough
  9. Who ever is banging pots and pans together in the kitchen middle of the night. Please stop others are trying to sleep.
  10. (Correction to the previous rule) Genji and Zenyatta please stop fucking in the kitchen in the middle of the night. I'm very disappointed in you two.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters rules suggested by: CptDax, dudebladeX, Autoboty, Black_Arrow, Agvarina.
> 
> By the way: Symmetra won the vote! Published the first chapter already. Never wrote anything with actual narration, so I hope it goes well.


	22. Concerning current agents part 10:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My vacation just started, so I'm posting this set early.

  1. Stop sending cosplayers to meeting points instead of going yourselves.
  2. Be cautious when doing something with lasers. Apparently even dragons can’t resist trying to catch a red dot. Except that, unlike cats, these can change size and strength and one has already barreled through a wall when it got frustrated with the laser.
  3. If you hear weird bumps and chirps coming from the water pipes, go to Hanzo or Genji and tell them to lure their dragons back out. But don't shake a bag of treats. We don't need another hole in a wall.
  4. To Angela and Fareeha: We all know how much you love each other but for the love of God, PLEASE fuck in your own bedroom instead of the briefing table and the especially the kitchen table. People eat there!
  5. Any agent has my permission to destroy the radio if McCree plays any type of 'bro-country' music. Vintage country is an exception. He can play those.
  6. Do not steal my peanut butter, you DO NOT want to see me angry. Learn from Reaper's experience. If you want PB that much, buy it from the store nearby.
  7. Hana and Genji are not to cry like a baby when one of them loses against the other in a video game. For God's sake, both of you are adults! Especially you, Genji! You're 35!
  8. Getting tattoos is fine. Angela has the healing aftercare provided if you have a fresh one. Doing your own tattoos, however, on other agents is unacceptable. Most of you are not trained in tattooing and it takes years to be a master at it. No matter how much you beg, Angela will not remove it because of your stupidity.
  9. Don't try to recreate plants vs zombies with Bastion, his guns cannot be filled with peas, and I doubt they would be any less deadly.
  10. Please do not tell Orisa that Zarya will like her more if she does something of your suggestion unless you actually have a good idea. And remember, what’s a good idea for you might not be a good idea for everyone.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: cascadedEquilibrium, Black_Arrow, Sword_of_Artorias, Merchantman, MoonPachimari


	23. Concerning old entertainment:

  1. No one is allowed to try and hang from the ceiling like a spider.
  2. Do not ask Torbjörn to build a lifesize Jaeger. Do you remember what went down in Boklovo?
  3. Don’t stand next to Torbjörn or Efi and wonder out loud if it would be possible to recreate some gadget from some movie. They will take that as a challenge.
  4. No trying to create lantern rings, iron suits, joker gas, the cosmic trend meal, black widow's gauntlets (widow bites), the lasso of truth, batman gadgets, cosmic cubes, or adamantium.
  5. No imitating superheroes, Reaper keeps saying Batman and Phantasm quotes.
  6. Stop singing Disney songs for hours on end, especially I wanna be like you
  7. Hanzo is forbidden from trying to inmate Green Arrow or Hawkeye. He tried to cut a grape on someone's head from 20 feet away. Do you realize how lucky we are that he succeeded?
  8. Lena is not allowed to find out if the speedforce exist.
  9. Lena is banned from watching Flash. She gets ideas.
  10. Stop playing Teen Titan Go.That is just torture. Even Talon would never play it.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Black_Arrow
> 
> Be prepared for slower updates because it's exam time.  
> For anyone in the french schooling system: le bac oral de francais est une merde complete, n'est ce pas vrai?


	24. Concerning current agents part 11:

  1. Please note that even if we have "unlimited ammo" (which still makes no sense to me), agents in populated areas such as Numbani, Kings Row, and the likes are advised NOT TO SHOOT or VANDALIZE unless absolutely necessary. (Seriously, I thought this was the one rule EVERYONE would follow)
  2. Following the rule above: If you do, you are paying for the damages. (For the hundredth time, we are NOT made of gold.) If it just so happened that it was an accident, you only pay half of what you owe. And no, I do not accept coupons. Please stop giving those to me everytime this happens.
  3. For any agent planning to play Barney/Dora songs over the comm, I will not be held responsible for any injuries you will receive from Lucio....and perhaps almost every agent except you (everyone just got over the Country fiasco, give us a break)
  4. Agents are not allowed to blare bland pop music just to see who can last the longest listening to it. (Again, we just got over the Country fiasco)
  5. As much as Agent Hanzo is talented, do not ask him to do the William Tell challenge unless you want two blue dragons chasing after you for questioning his skills.
  6. Whoever is scattering dolls and puppets around the base after every horror movie, please stop. It's bad enough we have Reaper to deal with.
  7. Agents Genji and Hanzo are not allowed near anything remotely sugary after 3 am unless you want a repeat of 'Every Anime: Abridged'.
  8. Agents (especially Ana) are not allowed to shove people in the broom closet so that they will "confess their feelings" (Honestly, I can't keep cleaning up those messes unless somebody finally makes the formula for brain bleach).
  9. Agents are advised to not interfere in a fellow agent's love life unless it is welcomed by said agent.
  10. If you spot an unwanted insect and/or rodent, please be rational and DO NOT: shoot it with your mission weapons, nuke the base (yes, that almost happened after Hana’s meka was ‘upgraded’ by Junkrat), or create some experimental bug spray. Use the bug spray provided under the kitchen sink. It's there for a reason, people.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: cascadedEquilibrium.


	25. Concerning current agents part 12:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to start updating during weekends, so here's an extra chapter this week :)

  1. Stop asking McCree what time it is. He is very annoyed whenever one of you asks him that.
  2. I take the above rule back. McCree, stop saying "It's High Noon" every time it's 12pm. This is why you keep getting asked: "What time is it?"
  3. The training rooms and storage rooms are not places you are allowed to have sex in! We have enough agents scarred by the sight they were greeted with when they entered! (Reaper, Morrisson, McCree and Hanzo... This rule applies to you four specifically)
  4. Sombra, please stop hacking Hana's consoles so you could win. Hana is very upset about this.
  5. Never say 'What are you going to do? Kill me?' to Hanzo because he goes into a silent triggered state where it's hard to get him out of. When he does though he punches the person who just said that. This rule especially implies to you, Genji.
  6. To whoever has changed Lúcio's battle playlists to 'Rick rolls' I do not pity you. But I do have to ask HOW!?
  7. Do not cover your eyes when Reaper says "death comes". How many pellets dose Mercy have to remove before you people learn?
  8. Do not threaten Athena! I remind you all that she has more information on you all then the most skilled blackmailing spy out there (Except maybe Sombra).
  9. May I remind everyone (Ana, Reinhardt, Torbjörn), that in an event of a blackout "who stole my other eye" is NOT the appropriate response!
  10. Stop asking Tracer about "timey-wimey" stuff and if she's actually The Doctor. She's begun to threaten dropping pulse bombs and blinking out of the room. She doesn't seem to mind being referred to as The Master though, for some reason.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: FujiwaraSeira, SilverStarWriter, DeadJane, CptDax


	26. Concerning current agents part 13:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday, so it's time for a new chapter.

  1. Lena, Sombra, McCree, Ana, and Genji are not allowed to plan any more prank wars.
  2. The Shimada brothers cannot have a "My boyfriend is better than yours" competition. Not only does it embarrass McCree and Zenyatta, but Hana is a very hardcore McHanzo shipper, and Lucio is a hardcore Genyatta shipper. They've been "recruiting shippers". Also, Bastion does not know what a ship is. Stop asking him.
  3. STOP TEACHING EFI SWEAR WORDS! I WILL NOT BE THE ONE TO EXPLAIN TO HER MOTHER WHY SHE CAN SAY 'FUCK' IN A DOZEN LANGUAGES!!!!
  4. Also, to the women on the team: stop telling her about the "horrors of puberty". I know Angela told her what to expect, but do not say "it's gonna look like a chainsaw ripped through your vagina".
  5. Hanzo is banned from using sonic arrows during hide and seek, and Widowmaker is banned from using her goggles during hide and seek too. It’s cheating.
  6. Do not try to make Bastion remote controllable.
  7. Reinhardt cannot charge down hallways just because "it's a shortcut".
  8. Junkrat, I know the layout of the base may be confusing, but please refrain from blowing through the rooms to make your own path.
  9. Do not try to recreate World of Tanks with Bastion vs several tanks. Those things cost millions to make, and that game has been dead for decades now. Do any of you even know to operate a tank?
  10. Would Angela stop yelling "Guten tag, motherfuckers!" When she kills someone with her pistol? It's a little unnerving



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: UnsolvedRubixsCube, Random Humaaaaaan, Merchantman
> 
> By the way: If you have not yet seen your suggestions in here: do not worry, I have three whole chapter made only out of suggestions queued up. Your rules are most likely somewhere there.


	27. Concerning current agents part 14:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The anniversary event is out, so to celebrate, a new chapter!

  1. Mei cannot randomly put up ice walls. I swear if you make us fail another mission because you blocked us in a random room, you’ll be banned from going on missions.
  2. Mercy, Bastion and Lúcio is a deadly combo, don't test them when working together.
  3. Keep the in battle swearing PG13.
  4. Morrison will deploy his biotic field when OTHERS need healing, quit being selfish.
  5. Don’t wander off while escorting the payload, especially if it means only leaving one of the support agents behind. Next time I’ll tell them to take up the problem with _you_.
  6. Do not make fun of Reaper and vice-versa.
  7. Hana is not a "gremlin".
  8. CODENAMES people! We're illegal!
  9. Hanzo and Genji cannot fight one on one without supervision.
  10. Just because the garden is a no fighting zone does not mean you can fuck in it. Whoever it was is going to give The Talk to Bastion as punishment. (Seriously how did you not notice that they were there the whole time?)



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: fandom trash, Pocket
> 
> I want like every single one of those dance emotes. Unfortunately my luck is such that last event I opened 25 lootboxes, and didn't get 1 skin, only 1 emote. Hopefully that doesn't repeat itself.  
> And did you see the Orisa sit emote? She is so precious. My big robot baby.


	28. Concerning current agents part 15:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo guys, sorry for a late update. I moved and had no WiFi, so please excuse me :( I'm so sorry.

  1. Lena, stop traveling back in time to try to prevent me from making these rules
  2. Mei will stop trying to create Olaf the snowman.
  3. If a door is jammed, ask Torbjorn to fix it, do not blow it off its hinges with half of Junkrat’s explosives.
  4. No trying to find out what Orisa can stop with her fortify. If you must, do it outside.
  5. When testing out fortify, make sure to face AWAY from the base. (I'm looking at you, Reinhardt)
  6. Do not attempt to alter Bastion and Orisa's voice modulators to make them sound like WALL*E and EVE respectively. I don't care how similar the two relationships are.
  7. If you value your life do not sing the Mr.roboto near Genji, Orisa, or Zenyatta. Bastion seems to enjoy it though.
  8. DO NOT steal Angela's chocolates. Angela will get Fareeha to find out who stole it and trust me, Fareeha is one person you do not want to piss off.
  9. For your own sakes, do not, I repeat, DO NOT refer to Ana as "the old Amari" (or anything to that effect) while she is within earshot. Resuscitating people is hard, and Angela is already overworked.
  10. Stop showing images of dissected frogs to Lucio, then saying "What? You didn't do this in school?"



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Nightelfbane, Satsuma_Chan, Merchantman, LegosaurG, Brian, Sword_of_Artorias, valathe, Random Humaaaaaaaan


	29. Concerning current agents part 16:

  1. Reminder: if you like your arms, do not touch my peanut butter stash.
  2. Junkrat, stop asking everyone "Why so serious?" You're not the joker, and do you WANT reaper to shoot you?
  3. Mccree, Cotton Eye Joe is not an acceptable party song. I don't care if it's a classic, please stop torturing us.
  4. Reaper, stop leaving shotguns everywhere. We've already had one incident of Junkrat using them to cause "Mayhem." Like seriously, can't you just RELOAD?
  5. Mei, stop with the Ice puns. You're not Mr. Freeze.
  6. Never ask Junkrat if it's "the perfect day for mayhem." We're not millionaires, we can't afford to fix an entire base.
  7. Junkrat is to stop stealing Roadhog's mask. Dude, do you have a death wish?
  8. Junkrat, stop blowing up Hana's games. I don't care if they're 'rigged.' Once again, do you have a death wish?
  9. Do not draw eyebrows on Zenyatta. It's funny, but he does not appreciate the joke.
  10. Roadhog is to stop hooking people. The medbay is busy enough as it is.



 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Brian, Bruv


	30. Concerning current agents part 17:

  1. Stop calling Genji an ‘angsty asshole in a tin can’ when he annoys you.
  2. Whoever keeps buying Lego will stop now.
  3. Do not touch Hanzo's herbal tea and saké. He doesn't like that, and pissing him off is the last thing anybody wants to do.
  4. Genji (and everyone) are not allowed to make 'dead brother' jokes. Even though Genji has forgiven Hanzo for what he did in the past, Hanzo says he still has nightmares from that day and Angela, Ana, Lúcio, and Zenyatta had to calm him down several times. And he does tend to put people into the medbay.
  5. If you call widowmaker or roadhog a hooker, I will let them decide the punishment, and I assure you it will be long and painful, and if you thought ‘that's what she said‘ after reading this, grow up.
  6. No yelling “TOR-TILL-A” to make Sombra and Reaper angry. If your embarrassing photos from the last Christmas party get leaked onto every holoscreen in the world, we are not responsible.
  7. Whoever gave Lena a metric ton of coffee, then proceeded to speed her up more with Lúcio’s boost to launch her through Symmetra’s portal is the one who is going to fix the space-time continuum. Also how the hell did you get that much coffee?
  8. Most of the old Overwatch has a lot of questionable fan-made content somewhere on the internet, we all know it, we all probably have seen it. However, I would request for all of you to stop hosting competitions to who can find the weirdest fanfic or fanart. Once again, mental bleach has not yet been invented, though I am tempted to ask Talon to just lend me whatever software they used to change Widowmaker's mind because I could use some amnesia right about now. 
  9. Angela and Fareeha I can't BELIEVE it was you if the gardens! Again keep the sex to your room and now you two get to give Bastion The Talk.
  10. Added to the previous rule: Since you two were having sex in the garden, not only will you two give The Talk to Bastion, Ana will also video record all three of you.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Game_of_Thorns, Sword_of_Artorias, 2ea_tea, Brian, Varis The Adrenaline Junkie, Sword_of_Artorias, Chiara


	31. Concerning current agents part 18:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting an extra chapter early because I have an exam tomorrow and I'm an anxious mess, and posting this makes me happy, and I really need some happy right now.

  1. Hanzo and McCree stop fucking in the kitchen in the middle of the night and then blame it on Genji and Zenyatta. You are adults for god’s sake
  2. Morrison, please do not hump Reaper (or anyone else for that matter) after Ana has sleep darted them. Even if it's for a dare.
  3. Please do not call Morrison "daddy." I will not be responsible for any ensuing damage. “Comman-dad” is apparently more acceptable.
  4. We all like to change our armor and outfits a bit for missions, but really Genji, how are we supposed to be taken seriously when you look like a toy power ranger?
  5. No one is allowed to ask Symmetra if she has a portal gun (especially Hana) unless you wish to be teleported off the edge of a cliff during the next mission.
  6. Unless you want Zarya to beat you into a pulp stop showing her "Soviet Memes" would you like it if people mock your country's history? There are some that she likes, but they are few and far between.
  7. You being Australian is not an excuse for not knowing who Arnold is, sincerely many disappointed agents.
  8. Keep Efi away from my & Torbjörn’s workplaces, as she has the habit of turning our machines into omnics who think for themselves and protest against the amount of work they have to do. (Athena included.)
  9. Whoever showed bastion Pinocchio now has to explain to them the difference between reality and TV, honestly that was just cruel also no one is to refer to Zenyatta as Jiminy Cricket, also Angela is not the blue fairy so stop asking her for wishes.
  10. We are still renovating most of the watchpoint and yes, we all want for that to do faster, and yes, painting walls is a pain. However, you are not allowed to "try to paint the walls faster" by sticking a bomb in a paint can and blowing it up.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Agvarina, HeartofDarkness123, Toaster_Warlock, Uhjinhyuk55, Lordofdeathn, Goldthorne123, Chiara


	32. Concerning the showers:

  1. There is a good reason why we set certain times for men and women to shower. Please, do not go in the showers when it is not your gender's time.
  2. Just because you are in a same-gender relationship does not give you the authorization to have sex in the showers.
  3. Rule number 2 also applies to heterosexual relationships.
  4. Please clean up if you make a mess in the showers.
  5. Junkrat, just because you need more space and "showers are useless" does not give you the right to blow up the showers. Everyone else needs them.
  6. Jamisons baths are not optional, don't make us get the hoes. 
  7. Addition: Sombra is not allowed near my auto correct
  8. Whoever put butter on the already-slippery tiles will never do it again, and I suggest that they vacate the premises quite quickly as Angela is already trying to find them because she is _pissed_ about having to set so many bones in one day.
  9. Stop putting fast-acting hair dye into shampoo.
  10. Stop replacing the shampoo with Nair™



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: WhiteravenGreywolf, Brian  
> First of all, thanks for all of your good luck wishes for my exams. Second, TicTacChocobo suggested for me to do some crossover rules chapters (Ow and the Avengers and stuff like that). Would anyone be interested?  
> Plus: if your suggested rules do not show up in the next chapter: don't worry, I have many chapters queued up, they are somewhere there. Plus I decided to make some chapter that only center around one character, so the rules that fit there might take a while to show up.


	33. Concerning current agents part 19:

  1. Please stop asking tracer how fast she can go, I don't want to clean scorch marks.
  2. Stop buying the dragons chocolate, we do not have a veterinarian on hand, and sick dragons are scary.
  3. Just because you all know how to dance does not mean it's ok to dance on your enemies corpses.
  4. Reinhardt, stop charging into teammates to move them closer to the objective. They can't do much if they've broken every bone.
  5. Not every disagreement should be solved with a showdown at high noon. This especially applies to McCree.
  6. Torbjörn and Satya, stop setting up turrets around the coffee machine, there is enough for everyone.
  7. Unless you want to be slowly frozen in place and helplessly watch as an icicle is sent towards your skull, do not touch Snowball.
  8. Mei, we know ice is kinda your thing, but please, please stop singing Let It Go. I'd just gotten it out of my head the last time.
  9. No one is allowed to use their ultimate inside the base without my permission.
  10. Do NOT call me King Kong, Mighty Joe Young, Magilla Gorilla, Gorilla Grodd, any gorilla form the Planet of the Apes movies, etc. Do not look up a very obscure gorilla from pop culture in the hopes that I don't know it. Trust me, I know them all



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Damian666, Merchantman, valathe, LegosaurG


	34. Concerning current agents part 20:

  1. Never, under any circumstances call Torbjorn the "IKEA gnome". He has threatened to assemble multiple people into cabinets and I wouldn't put it past him.
  2. Sombra, do not hack Bastion so that they say "Hasta la vista" in the Terminator voice whenever they fire their gun.
  3. Actually, don't hack anyone so that they quote the Terminator movies. (Where did you even find those voice files? Those movies are centuries old)
  4. Widowmaker is not allowed to say 'Get Over Here' before shooting their grappling hook at someone. I wouldn't be surprised if she actually performs a fatality if you've upset her, and I don't think Angela will take your side.
  5. Tracer is not allowed to make offensive graffiti on the Watchpoint. While the art is amazing we've all already accidentally seen Genji and Zenyatta having sex, we don't need to see it again.
  6. The prior rule did not mean it is okay to depict others having sex. Honestly, did Angela and Fareeha pose for you?
  7. On no account is anyone to pose for/film anyone else having sex. Ever.
  8. On no account should any videos or photos that exist be put online. Honestly, 11 million hits in a week.
  9. No one should upload their own sex tape to 'beat the high score'. All of you should also get some shame, because you all have none.
  10. If you piss off Sombra and she leaks your nudes I won't interfere. You dug your own grave.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by:ParadoxMage


	35. Concerning current agents part 21:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't access my gaming pc to play overwatch ptr, so I'll celebrate Doomfist's release on ptr with an extra chapter.

  1. If I hear one more Harambe joke, all of The team plus Talon will find their belongs suddenly on the moon.
  2. No one is allowed to record other agents' ultimate catch phrases, especially Hanzo's. No one wants to be woken up by two enormous dragons.
  3. With that, agents must retire to their own rooms. This mainly applies to McCree, Genji, and Pharah.
  4. Whoever keeps kidnapping Bastion's bird Ganymede and replacing it with a stuffed one needs to stop, Bastion almost killed half the team.
  5. Do not ask Ana, Reinhardt, or Soldier their ages. Ana and Reinhardt give a warning, but Morrison will immediately shoot you.
  6. No drinking contests. McCree challenged Reinhardt and almost got alcohol poisoning.
  7. D.Va, Genji, Lucio, Tracer, and Junkrat are NOT allowed to have energy drinks all at the same time. The base cannot take that amount of damage. Again.
  8. PLEASE TAKE YOUR COM OFF BEFORE ENGAGING IN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES. TURN IT OFF TOO.
  9. I will not stop any Pride celebrations as long as they are at a decent time and you pick up afterwards, I didn't need to know that McCree owns a rainbow thong
  10. I don't care if the announcement was a joke, do not have an orgy in the meeting room



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: S


	36. Concerning current agents part 22:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late chapter. Internet problems.

  1. Stop "Testing the durability" of our base by shooting it.
  2. Just because we are low on funds doesn't mean Junkrat and Roadhog should go on a crime spree.
  3. Morrison, either stop playing golf next to the practice range, or stop aiming for people's heads. 
  4. "It's a late april fools joke" is not a valid excuse for anything
  5. Stop putting vegemite in my peanut butter cups. if I catch someone doing it, I'll fling them off a cliff.
  6. Junkrat, NO TRAPS AT THE TOILET ENTRANCE.
  7. Thanks to Lena, we're now patching up walls with cushions so we can prevent our mascot from running into walls and breaking her nose. Again. Lena, stop running face first into walls, or learn not to do so.
  8. Word of advice: Do not interrupt Lúcio's guitar performance when he's up camping on the hills, if you do not want to be booped off the cliff. McCree, we're not going to sponsor you a third arm if that happens again.
  9. Yes, I have more than one pair of glasses but that does not give you the excuse to keep stepping on them, Reaper.
  10. Stop making fun of Sombra for having a teddy bear. Nobody wants to hear the sound of crying babies playing on repeat through every device around the bully for a full day.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Merchantman, kaito136


	37. Concerning cooking duty:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! Some fanart by lawlilawliet on tumblr:  
> https://lawlilawliet.tumblr.com/post/162275547403/inspired-by-dpsmercy-on-ao3s-lovely-fic-the-rules

  1. Don't make croutons by shooting bread with Reapers shotguns.
  2. Don't make mashed potatoes by hitting a bowl of potatoes with Reinhardt's hammer. It will ruin the potatoes, the bowl, the table, and put a dent in the floor.
  3. Genji, don't use your Dragon blade to make sushi, and Ana, don't nano boost him.
  4. Until a new kitchen is built, Genji's room will be used to prepare food.
  5. Don't ask Junkrat to cook using his explosives.
  6. If you cut people in line to get food, Roadhog has my full permission to hook you.
  7. Don't ask Bastion to hunt wildlife, not only will he be sad, but he may try to shoot you.
  8. I don't care how it takes for everyone to get food, launching it at people via catapult is not acceptable.
  9. We have a rooster for who cooks for the whole team for the day. Follow it.
  10. “Let's make [dish] with [type of alcohol] instead of water” is not an experiment to be repeated.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Merchantman


	38. Concerning current agents part 23:

  1. Anyone found to be playing or tampering with Fareeha's Raptora armor will be shot.
  2. Anyone found playing around with Angela's Caduceus Staff will be shot, resurrected, and then promptly shot again.
  3. Everyone needs to remember Bastion has the insatiable curiosity of a toddler and they WILL ask you to explain something they don't understand. So please try to make sure they aren't around if you absolutely must do something inappropriate, we're trying to keep their innocence for a little while longer, as much as we can talk about a war machine having innocence.
  4. Added onto the previous rule: do not leave things you don't want to explain lying around. Whoever lost their collar should come get it from lost and found. They'll also be responsible for taking care of the dog we may end up getting because nobody wants to explain that the collar is not for "a really big puppy"
  5. Satya's anxiety is not funny. Jokes, practical or otherwise, at her expense in such a regard are not tolerated. 
  6. Addendum to the previous rule: if you value ANYTHING electronic in your life, don't upset Satya. Sombra will find you, and we won't help you when she does…
  7. Stop referring to this list as the “new agent survival guide.”
  8. Stop offering a print out of this to any agents who are considering to join. Give them at least a couple of months to experience this job. This list tends to chase people away faster than the prospect of a painful death upon the battlefield, especially sane people. We need sane people in here.
  9. Stop stealing McCree's hat and blaming it on the dragons. He'll know that it's not them as they will never take it. Said dragons will go after you when they find out because the dragons, especially Hanzo’s, hate to be blamed for it, plus they like McCree.
  10. Continuing from the rule above. Whoever took McCree's hat and imitated him on youtube: I do not pity you and he is allowed to tie you to a chair and put Cotton Eye Joe or any other country music you hate on repeat just for you to hear it.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: The_Atheist_Reverend_of_imgur, Reader, The_Atheist_Reverend_of_imgur, FujiwaraSeira


	39. Concerning current agents part 24:

  1. Angela, Fareeha, you have a bedroom for a reason. Don't have sex in the medbay, especially when a team is coming back from a mission... PLEASE.
  2. Let’s stop that “Is Genji buck-ass naked or don’t cyborgs need pants’ debate.
  3. Stop making fun of Reaper for watching soap operas and telenovelas. Many people will make your life hell because they are closeted fans too.
  4. Doomfist is not allowed to challenge people to arm-wrestling competitions, whether he's wearing the doomfist gauntlet at that moment or no. He punched _through_ _a wall_ , think a little about what may happen to your arm. Angela's orders.
  5. Never ask any of the female agents if “It’s that time of the month.” Last time someone did that, they got kicked in the nuts.
  6. I thought better of you both Sombra and Satya. No having sex in the electronics room. Hana walked in on accident and hasn't spoken for a week. Plus, we don’t need that many electronics fried at once.
  7. Stop comparing Hanzo’s and Genji’s dragons to ferrets. Both the dragons and the guys become offended, and we all know what that leads to.
  8. I understand that you tend to get protective of your significant others, but there is no need to shoot someone when they insult them. They are capable of hurting them if they feel insulted. Yes, even Emily. ESPECIALLY Emily.
  9. Mei, I thought you would stop singing Let It Go, not freeze the door to my lab shut (WITH ME IN IT) and play it through the speakers for 6 hours before letting me out. Please never again. I hear it my nightmares now.
  10. To Angela, Lena and Mei: Remember when I said that the Shimada brothers are not to have a 'my boyfriend is better than yours' contest? Same thing also applies to you three and your girlfriends. Although if I was a betting scientist, I would put my money on Zarya.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: FujiwaraSeira, frankenmouse, Vadus, Varies+The+Adrenaline+Junkie, Summer fun, dudebladeX, Varis, Sword_of_Artorias


	40. Concerning Doomfist:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling down and posting here makes me feel better, so have an extra chapter everyone. And have a good day too.

  1. If you say anything referring to Doomfist 'fisting' anything, I am not responsible for what happens next, and Mercy has my permission to revive you as painfully as possible.
  2. Mercy, you don't have permission to revive people as painfully as possible for everything. Also we should really change your callsign.
  3. Do not try and mediate between Orisa and Doomfist. Orisa will humor you, but Doomfist will probably punch you, and I don't blame him.
  4. Do not try and start a fight between Orisa and Doomfist, because chances are they'll both find out, and do you really want a buff guy with a gauntlet and a centaur omnic with a fusion driver trying (and likely succeeding) in killing you?
  5. Hana, that was not a challenge.
  6. Hana, nothing on this list is a challenge.
  7. Mercy, see Rule #2. And we really need to change your callsign.
  8. Lena, you are not allowed to flush Doomfist's gauntlet down the toilet. How you even do that, I don't know, but you're paying for the plumbing.
  9. Genji, the above rule applies to you. Just because Lena isn't allowed to flush Doomfist's gauntlet down the toilet doesn't mean you are. How do you even fit it down the pipes?
  10. NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO FLUSH DOOMFIST'S GAUNTLET DOWN THE TOILET. NOT EVEN DOOMFIST HIMSELF. I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU ALL.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: SoulStealer1987


	41. Concerning current agents part 25:

  1. Jamison is not allowed to touch Bastion again. Explosive ammunition is never a good idea and the amount of damage caused to the Watchpoint is through the now non-existent roof.
  2. Satya is to stop creating fake dragons out of hard light and guiding them around the base. Hanzo's dragons and Genji's dragon tend to chase after them. Buildings do need walls to stay standing.
  3. Sombra will stop overclocking various agents equipment and gear for performance enhancement. Lena just got back from a recall that landed her in the second world war, Genji's deflect sped up to the point where the air friction was causing fires in the surrounding trees and Zarya's cannon already does enough damage at full charge we don't need a planet cracking laser.
  4. Never. EVER. Let Tracer drive. The odd of her not crashing are not good. While we're on the topic, don't let McCree drive either.
  5. Morrison, only Ana can drive like Ana and not crash. Nobody else can, especially not you.
  6. Reinhardt, just because you can hold your liquor better than anybody else does not make you the official designated driver. Don't drink and drive. If you crash and die, Mercy has orders to resurrect you and then shoot you in the leg.
  7. If Hanzo shoots you in the knee, you are not allowed to say anything along the lines of "I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee." He will likely shoot you in the head next.
  8. NO OUTDATED MEMES. (Reinhardt, Ana, I'm looking at you. Nobody needs to hear 'all your base are belong to us' for the millionth time.)
  9. Genji, you are not an XBOX. Those were old before the Crisis.
  10. PSA to any and all snipers: do not choose a sniper duel over actually completing the mission. It lost Ana her eye, for crying out loud, and she's STILL doing it.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Lex_Raider, DaQuotever


	42. Concerning fanfiction:

  1. Whoever is writing extremely detailed fanfiction about all of us needs to stop.
  2. McCree, as much as I'd love to assume that "0V3RW4TCH_F0R3V3R" is someone with no connection to any of us on base, they know too much to not be here. So they better step up now.
  3. WE DID NOT NEED DETAILS ON PHARAH AND MERCY HAVING SEX. WE'VE ALL WITNESSED IT ACCIDENTALLY AT LEAST ONCE. NOW IT'S OUT THERE FOR THE WORLD TO READ ABOUT. CONGRATS.
  4. Saying I didn't want to read about Pharah and Mercy having sex was not a go-ahead for writing extremely detailed accounts of everyone else having sex.
  5. If you reveal yourself now, I will only strangle you once.
  6. Writing an extremely detailed and EXTREMELY INACCURATE account of me masturbating to peanut butter was inexcusable.
  7. No, I do not masturbate to peanut butter. It's called fanFICTION for a reason. And what the actual fuck is wrong with you??? I will punch whoever asks about this next. Stop.
  8. If anyone has any information on this "0V3RW4TCH_F0R3V3R" user, contact me immediately.
  9. Sombra, nice try, but you can stop now. It is impossible for "0V3RW4TCH_F0R3V3R" to be writing from my office. The only ones in here are me and Athena.
  10. Come pick up a free fanfiction-writing AI, if anyone wants her. Congratulations, everyone. You've even corrupted Athena.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested by:SoulStealer1987


	43. Concerning current agents part 26:

  1. No-one is allowed to keep their science projects in the fridge or freezer, we don't want a repeat of the jello incident.
  2. Whoever keeps putting up the “It’s been [...] days since a new rule was created.” and “It’s been [...] days since a new rule was broken.” posters will take them down and won’t put them up again.
  3. Lena, trying to hide your girlfriend anywhere in the Watchpoint after you nearly got caught making out is useless when she has bright red hair. Do yourself a favor and quit and stop trying even if it's really funny to watch.
  4. Do not annoy Junkrat by saying Marmite is better than Vegemite. If you don’t listen (as you so often do) prepare for explosions.
  5. Under NO circumstances should Tracer or anyone else for that matter challenge the Widowmaker to a paintball fight. Nonlethal it may be, but it took us 3 weeks to get the paint off the walls and I keep finding paint in my armor.
  6. Jack would like to remind you: Don't. touch. the. Thermostat.
  7. No one is allowed to alter any gun in any way to make it play the 'mmm whatcha say" song whenever it fires. My ears are bleeding.
  8. Leaking your own nudes just so Sombra can't is not a way to avoid punishment. We all know she can find worse. If she can't, she'll make them.
  9. Don’t start bar fights because of disagreements over video games.
  10. Hana, please stop asking if Akande has 'doomfisted' someone, he gets offended.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Chiara, Varis+The+Adrenaline+Junkie, Agent+Oreo, Impromptu_Bagel, Game_of_Thorns, Me, SpicyMexicanJesus, Hellb0y


	44. Concerning current agents part 27:

  1. The next person to make a "fisting" joke around Doomfist will not be given medical aid when he inevitably does it to you out of frustration and spite.
  2. The previous rule is NOT A CHALLENGE. What is wrong with you people?!?
  3. Satya and Torbjorn are a world class architech and engineer respectively, NOT your personal repair drones.
  4. Sombra is an internationally wanted hacker, NOT Overwatch's IT person.
  5. Sombra is also not Talon's IT person.
  6. Just stop pestering Sombra in general, no one wants to see compromising pictures of fellow agents on all the watchpoint holo screens again. That rubber duck is going to haunt my nightmares
  7. All of you, stop calling Jamison "Pearl" just because they both have a big nose. I will stop paying for damages done to your room. How do you all keep finding these shows, anyways?
  8. Lucio, Hana, stop watching movies if all you're gonna do is clear out the popcorn from the kitchen and have a war with.
  9. When asked why you're throwing popcorn at each other, "Warfare" is not an appropriate answer.
  10. Jamison. No setting off bombs in the vents.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: The_Atheist_Reverend_of_imgur, IRegretNothingAndEverything


	45. Concerning current agents part 28:

  1. No one is allowed to put itching powder in Mercy's Valkyrie suit (it'll only lead to her refusing to heal you, AGAIN).
  2. The aforementioned rule also applies to Hanzo's clothes and Pharah's armor.
  3. All itching powder found in the watchpoint will be confiscated from this point onward.
  4. The Hunger Games movies are now banned from the watchpoint (I'm looking at you Hanzo).
  5. Whoever is painting Genji red and black will be punished with one month of training with Zarya.
  6. Please stop calling Genji Deadpool.
  7. Due to the coffee creamer incident, Junkrat is no longer allowed to watch mythbusters.
  8. Roadhog and Junkrat are no longer allowed to play Grand Theft Auto.
  9. Hana, please stop trying to get Sombra and Bastion to cosplay as Commander Shepherd and Legion.
  10. Or as Kasumi and EDI for that matter.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by daughterofdragons12


	46. Concerning movie night:

  1. If Bastion, Orisa, or Efi is attending, all movies PG-13 and up are banned.
  2. If a movie was made before PG-13 was a thing, please check with me before playing it.
  3. Concerning the previous rule, whoever played 1977's Jabberwocky is banned from movie night for two months.
  4. Any movie where the dog dies is banned.
  5. If the dog comes back to life, then the movie is allowed.
  6. All weapons must be confiscated if we are watching a horror movie. TVs are expensive.
  7. Stop trying to scare each other while watching horror movies.
  8. NO PORNOS!
  9. Please see the list of banned movies before choosing a movie.
  10. If a movie is international, subtitles must be provided. Some of us don't know every language in the world. Those subtitles must also match the movie and not be completely wrong just because "the looks of confusion on all your faces were glorious, now am I getting banned again or what?".



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: LegosaurG


	47. Concerning current agents part 29:

  1. Jamison, when it snows, you know that it's going to melt from your hair. Either let us waterproof your arm, or stop going outside in the snow. We know you love it, we know it's still new and beautiful to you, but you know that no one will help you with your arm four weeks in a row.
  2. Hana, stop trying to 'fix' water damage from the snow. Jamison is not amused, and wherever you are in the vents, he will find you.
  3. Junkrat is not allowed to babysit Efi, not after the high school raid incident.
  4. No one is allowed to watch mythbusters after all myth busting incidents.
  5. Stop misusing the photocopier. I don't want to see someone's flattened ass when flipping through reports
  6. Stopping bullying cases is through conversation and mild violence is acceptable. Dropping an extremely heavy object on the bully's head while screaming "justice rains from above" is not.
  7. Please stop speaking in TF2 quotes. Angela's rendition of the Medic's tale was eerily believably delivered…
  8. **You all just lost the game**
  9. Sombra will a) stop hacking my personal account and tamper with the rules; and b) stop reposting decades-old memes that weren't even good to begin with.
  10. **Whatever. pool's closed**



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: IRegretNothingAndEverything, Chiara, anonymous dragon, Merchantman, MestradeFaces, mini_squatch, valathe


	48. Concerning current agents part 30:

  1. It seems that you need a reminder: this rules list is not to be made into a bucket list for ANY agent
  2. Although I greatly enjoy that someone replaced all the food in the fridge with peanut butter that's not the only thing we can eat, sadly.
  3. Stop offering Zenyatta, Orisa, and Bastion food, they become very sad at the fact that they can't eat
  4. With that, they all have permission to hit/shoot you if you ask them if they have genitals (Seriously people, do you have no shame??)
  5. Effie is very young!! Any agent besides Angela and Ana caught giving her the "talk" will get cleaning duties for a month!!
  6. Hana I don't care if dabbing is an “old meme", you are not allowed to shoot any agent that does it.
  7. Whoever took Sombra's bear is going to be facing dire consequences, it helps Sayta with her stimming
  8. If I hear one more person say it's time for Halloween you will be removed from every and any mission until Christmas 
  9. Yes, Ana has recently taken up knitting. That does not mean she will bake you cookies and let you call her "Grandma".
  10. From that, Reindardt does not seem to mind being called "Grandpa" but this is a PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATION, we may be a family but some people do not appreciate being reminded how old they are.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suggestions by: Miles


	49. Concerning current agents part 31:

  1. If you value your life, don't ask Hanzo if he's seen McCree's "cotton eye Joe". That's just plain dirty. I also wish to tell everyone who doesn’t know it that “Cotton eye joe” is about an std test.
  2. Reinhardt, do not rickroll the base again unless you want to pay for the damage caused by raging agents out of your pocket.
  3. For fucks sake stop having unsanctioned matches in the communal areas. We don't have the funding to replace structural supports in every area on a weekly basis.
  4. Stop asking Doomfist if his gauntlet vibrates while he fists people. He'll teach you the hard way (read: punching you through an unlisted amount of walls)
  5. That being said walls are only meant to be walls. Not impromptu passageways, target practice, or punching bags.
  6. Reinhart, Ana, Fareeha and many others have asked me to say: STOP ABANDONING THE MISSION TO FLIRT!
  7. Don't touch widowmakers hair. Those extensions cost a lot and I won't pity you and your broken wrist.
  8. Guys, top with all the terry crews memes directed at Doomfist. Really, stop with the old memes altogether.
  9. I don't care if Bastion and Orisa are your otp. Stop trying to get them together orisa is ONE MONTH OLD and Bastion only cares for Ganymede.
  10. Old Spice jokes? Really? I'm disappointed in you. Stop it.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: GigiFabulous, Anon, FerraItt, Merchantman, The future mercy main (plz buy me overwatch), mini_squatch, blue_warbler


	50. Concerning current agents part 32:

  1. Do not make 'Who would win in a fight?' challenges. Some agents may take this as a serious challenge. If they do, please take the fight outside and away from the base
  2. Do not ask Hanzo or Genji to call you senpai, Genji will humor you but Hanzo will not.
  3. Sombra, do not hack Genji to make him play various anime openings on repeat, it wasn't funny the first time it's not funny now.
  4. Don't refer to Hanzo as Prince Zuko, just don't (Genji is exempt from this for obvious reasons).
  5. Whoever was playing ' The stereotype song ' over the speakers will be caught and will be given extra training with Zarya as punishment.
  6. In regards to rule 5 and 6 both that song and The last Airbender are ANCIENT, how do you find these things?
  7. Reinhardt and Ana need to stop teaching people their old memes.
  8. STOP CALLING ME HARAMBE!!! I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!!
  9. Just because something can be used as a weapon doesn't mean it should be. This is directed especially at McCree, D.va and Torbjörn, who used unassembled Ikea chairs to defeat a Talon raid. 
  10. Zenyatta and Genji, quit making jokes about Zenyatta's "balls".



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: HeavenHussie, SoulStealer1987, Merchantman, BubbleMilkTeaPlease


	51. Concerning Cooking Duty:

  1. Blacklight and bleach all surfaces that will come in contact with food since people have probably had sex there.
  2. Ana, stop nano boosting people to make them work faster.
  3. Ana, stop nano boosting the food. The chicken exploded, the soup tried to drown McCree and my bananas are talking dirty to me.
  4. If Jamison says he's going to put something on the barbie, make sure a fire extinguisher is always close by.
  5. Don't tenderize meat with Doomfists gauntlet. We have to rebuild six walls now.
  6. Making Swiss cheese by getting bastion to shoot a package of Emmental cheese is a waste of bullets. Don't do it.
  7. Don't give McCree a small thin sheet of orange plastic and tell him it's American Cheese. He wouldn't be able to taste the difference.
  8. Don't ask Mercy about Swiss cheese. She'll stab you full of holes with her staff then revive you to a five-hour lecture on what real swiss cheese is like.
  9. Genji is not allowed unsupervised into the kitchen
  10. Hacking Genji does not count as supervision. I'm very disappointed in you Sombra.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested by: Merchantman


	52. Concerning current agents part 33:

  1. Protect the healers! Not only will it greatly improve the amount of success in our missions, but maybe it will finally stop the ever-increasing amount of complaints coming from them. Believe me, the things they told me they will do to your ungrateful asses are rather frightening.
  2. Nevermind! We have ‘battle Mercy’ now and I think all of you don’t want to experience her rage again, so that should be enough incentive.
  3. Emily, there is no need to hunt down Widowmaker, steal her rifle, and send each individual part back to her like some serial killer on the grounds that she shot Lena's hair. Follow up question: How did you even sneak into the talon HQ in the first place?
  4. Mei, while I understand the act of icing over someone's door while they're having sex so that none of us can hear it. That doesn't mean you leave it on the door so long that said people (Mcree, Hanzo) have to climb out their windows to get out of their rooms in time for dinner.
  5. NOBODY, I MEAN NOBODY, Is allowed to get someone's music playlist and change it to their own playlist, I do not want to listen to Hamilton in Spanish or any other languages on repeat. (Also why do you even have that in your playlist.... IT'S GREAT, BUT IT'S LIKE 70 YEARS OLD)
  6. Angela is the only person on base who has permission to give Bastion or Efi the talk.
  7. Never, I mean never burn, stomp on, drown or in anyway damage Bastions garden, he is very protective of it and WILL kill you.
  8. No inverting the controls on anyone's equipment, we lost a mission because the healer couldn't figure out what was wrong with their equipment.
  9. Just no tampering with others equipment.
  10. OK, no tampering with ANY equipment not even your own.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Leowolf16, dudebladeX, Varis, Littlefrostyfox


	53. Concerning current agents part 34:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing an update, but there were internet problems and I decided to just wait until next sunday.

  1. Pharah, Mercy, just because you can both legitimately fly now does not mean you should fuck or make out on the roof. Or anywhere high up. (Unless the alternative is my office, in which case PLEASE FUCK ON THE ROOF JUST NOT IN MY OFFICE.)
  2. When I said "free fanfiction-writing AI for anyone who wants her", I was kidding. Whoever put Athena on Craigslist will take their entry down immediately.
  3. I DO NOT MASTURBATE TO PEANUT BUTTER. THIS HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED ALREADY. I’m really concerned about your mental state, people.
  4. Lucio will not remove his prosthetics and paint red paint onto his face, torso, lower half of his body, or any other areas of his body to scare the other agents by crawling towards them like a bloodthirsty zombie, Lena has already fainted twice and Morrison nearly had a heart attack.
  5. In continuation of the last rule, Hana and Genji will not assist Lucio in any way, shape, or form in his endeavors, if you choose to, the therapy costs are on you.
  6. Hana, please stop pouring Mountain Dew on the "noobs," we are running low on shampoo and you have already been shot five times, when is enough enough?
  7. If Hanzo and Mcree are on the mountaintop alone, do not bother them. Junkrat and Sombra have already been arrowed down, we doubt you want that as well.
  8. Likewise, if Angela and Fareeha are alone on the mountaintop alone, leave them be, for Fareeha WILL pump you full or rockets and Angela will not revive you.
  9. The following items cannot be "improved" with rocket engines: Jeeps, desks, Roadhog's chopper, Fareeha's motorcycle, computer terminals, Angela's Valkyrie suit, Lena's accelerator, Lucio's skates, Satya's turrets, Torbjorn's turret, toilets, tables, Torbjorn, Jack's golf cart, Gabriel's bicycle, the BBQ grill, and Junkrat. Especially Junkrat.
  10. The Raptora suit is not listed because it already has integral rocket engines, but that is not a license to attach more - especially without asking Fareeha first.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: SoulStealer1987, OfficiallyDeadInside, bzarcher


	54. Concerning current agents part 35:

  1. The following items cannot be "improved" with rocket engines: Jeeps, desks, Roadhog's chopper, Fareeha's motorcycle, computer terminals, Angela's Valkyrie suit, Lena's accelerator, Lucio's skates, Satya's turrets, Torbjorn's turret, toilets, tables, Torbjorn, Jack's golf cart, Gabriel's bicycle, the BBQ grill, and Junkrat. Especially Junkrat.
  2. The Raptora suit is not listed because it already has integral rocket engines, but that is not a license to attach more - especially without asking Fareeha first.
  3. We have not, do not, and will not ever do anything 'For the Vine.'
  4. It really is not better to beg forgiveness instead of asking permission. Ana, I am very, very disappointed in you.
  5. There is no such thing as a 'small' bonfire. Please get permission before building one.
  6. No, you may not improve a bonfire with rocket engines, either. How would that even work?
  7. While I appreciate the detailed engineering analysis and schematics on how to attach rocket engines to a bonfire, you are still not allowed to do it.
  8. Junkrat will stop trying to even touch Snowball because Mei has promised to freeze off his remaining limbs if he ever does so again.
  9. Please stop holding up a sandal in front of Sombra and McCree, even though it's pretty funny to watch a grown man scream at a Dolphin pitch.
  10. Reaper will stop chasing McCree with "La Chancla". It's just sad at this point.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: bzarcher, Jackie, crayright, RiethTheLost


	55. Concerning Ana and her sleep darts:

  1. Ana is not allowed to sleep dart people for annoying her.
  2. Ana is not allowed to sleep dart people to make their significant other worry and/or confess their feelings. (I must admit, though it is effective, you have not seen the amount of complaints filed.)
  3. Ana is not allowed to sleep dart people for any reason without their consent.
  4. Ana is not allowed to blackmail people for consent to sleep dart them.
  5. Ana IS allowed to sleep dart our enemies without consent, for reasons that I hope are obvious.
  6. Ana is not allowed to sleep dart me, ever. Do not bother asking.
  7. If you made the mistake of stealing Ana's sleep darts, don't waste your time sleep darting other people. Either return them, apologize, and hope she isn't disappointed in you, or use them on her to escape.
  8. NOBODY. IS. ALLOWED. TO. SLEEP. DART. ANYONE. ARE WE CLEAR!?
  9. Yes, that includes me, Hana. Thank you for asking. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only one following these rules.
  10. Wait. Am I the only one following these rules? You are not allowed to break any of these rules for any reason. Yes, I know this rule is utterly pointless. I'm kind of done at this point.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suggestions by SoulStealer198


	56. Concerning current agents part 36:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the Halloween ones are old, but it really takes a while for me to post everything. I have pages and pages of suggestions.

  1. No one will encourage Reaper's obsession with Halloween.
  2. Sombra, I know you're the one blasting Spooky Scary Skeletons. Stop that!
  3. Whoever is decorating for CHRISTMAS already will take down the decorations.
  4. I will not clean up the mess I will make if someone doesn't take it down. You want me to break all of those bulbs?!
  5. Ana, I know it's you. Take down the Christmas decorations. At least wait until after American Thanksgiving to decorate.
  6. Whoever is locking people outside and then leaving, stop while you're alive. You gave Ana hypothermia by doing it on the coldest night of the year, and that is a death sentence in itself. (Even if she deserved it...)
  7. Stop asking Lena about what her relationship was with the Lacroix's, this not only makes her depressed but will also send a very pissed off Emily after you.
  8. In regards to the last one, come on I expected this sort of thing from one of the newer members but Mccree and Genji, you two worked with them in the old overwatch.
  9. Whoever stole the engagement ring from where Lena hid it and replaced it with a toy ring, give it back. I have already told the healers to not heal whoever did it for a week if found out and Lena and/or Emily does something to you.
  10. No one is to load anything except the standard-issue rockets into Agent Pharah's armor. While the barrage of Junkrat's grenades was effective, it was also significantly less controllable than Barrage is supposed to be. Collateral damage is a thing, people, and we pay for it.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suggestions by:crayright, SoulStealer1987, Devon antos, RiethTheLost


	57. Concerning current agents part 37:

  1. It doesn't matter that healing or science is hard. All lab-grade ethanol is off limits for consumption. This rule extends to drinking games as well.
  2. Mei's Endothermic Blaster should not be used in lieu of air conditioning.
  3. Angela will disable all internal magnets inside of Genji.
  4. Just because we now have a 'respawn' system does not mean that there should be a contest of who can die the fastest. (Pharah and Zarya especially)
  5. All vuvuzelas, tubas, trumpets, and other horn instruments are banned from the watchpoint.
  6. If you wish to have privacy, do so without setting up turrets.
  7. Chloroform in the air vents is never a good way to enforce a curfew. Ana, why?
  8. Morrison, Hana, and Fareeha must stop all competitions involving rockets.
  9. All "pull-out" jokes are banned around Torbjorn. Please.
  10. "Let me tell you about Homestuck" is never an appropriate conversation starter



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suggestions by: amphotericZwitteron, .


	58. Concerning current agents part 38:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, if your suggestions haven't shown up yet: they're probably on the list somewhere. The doc full of suggestions I have is 15 pages long.

  1. Do not make cakes congratulating agents on having sex, especially if said cakes are explosive, completely inedible, or the agents have already said they don’t want any.
  2. There is a reason there is a room filled with Mountain Dew. Hana is this reason. They are NOT there for improv bowling events. If she comes after you with a fiery vengeance, then there is no saving you.
  3. If you have a disagreement, trial by combat is discouraged unless absolutely necessary.
  4. Don't try to use Reinhart's armor without his supervision. The last time Hana tried that, we lost five support structures.
  5. If you threaten any wildlife in bastions presence, he is allowed to shoot you. Mostly because ordering otherwise would just bring more trouble.
  6. Stop trying to dye Widowmakers suit red and calling her SpiderWoman.
  7. Any Overwatch agents interested in keeping their limbs will NOT poke Jamison’s traps.
  8. Mei, while freezing people's hair in their sleep is funny, when Windowmaker finds you, you’re on your own.
  9. If I hear one more "it's everyday bro" I will break every device that can play music in this base. To whoever is playing it, HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND THAT GODDAMN SONG!
  10. Mercy, saying "sorry, healing machine broke" is not an excuse to sit around and watch us all die, especially if you can't revive us. Not to mention that that meme is way too old.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: . , Eater_of_Unhappiness, Merchantman, AbyssalEye, Varis The Adrenaline Junkie, Abi_theonewithwritersblock, melody_moon


	59. Concerning current agents part 39:

  1. Reinhardt can no longer choose the music on road trips. We get you love Lil Pump, but hearing someone repeat "Gucci Gang" for two minutes straight gets old.
  2. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is now banned for everyone, because Hana keeps putting controllers through the TV screen, and Lucio won't stop criticizing the bad Brazilian accents.
  3. The same applies to 2K. We get you love basketball, Fareeha, but you don't need to yell "Kobe" at 2:30 in the morning after you beat Hana
  4. Ana also cannot DJ anymore. XXXTentacion is trash, everyone agrees. If you're going to play outdated rap, play something good.
  5. Don't use marijuana on base. Ever.
  6. If you do use marijuana on base, remember edibles aren't instant. We don't need any more games of hockey while high. Angela is tired of fixing broken ankles. Take this rule up with her.
  7. Meatless Mondays are by choice. I'm 90% sure Hana's never eaten a vegetable in her life, and no one wants to see her hungry.
  8. Whoever modified Genji's armor to play dubstep whenever he gets a boner, please fix it.
  9. Keep workout music PG when Bastion or Efi are nearby. Seriously, Angela, I thought you would have enough sense not to let Bastion hear a song containing lines like, "suck a dick or die," "See a lightskin nigga with his brains blown out," or, "I killed a nigga at 16." You now need to explain Kendrick Lamar to him.
  10. YOUR ROOMS ARE NOT SOUNDPROOF YET!!! Everyone can hear you fucking. Keep it down at night.  
  




**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by Gamma231


	60. Concerning current agents part 40:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing last week, but I was too busy.

  1. Gabriel’s main job is NOT to design your outfits and begging is undignified.
  2. Efi please stop making the Roombas sentient, they get very distressed and it's just cruel, yes I know they are cute.
  3. Satya no teleporting the team off of cliffs or into walls, unless you want to deal with Angela.
  4. Teleporting Angela off a cliff is STRICTLY prohibited.
  5. Stop calling Moira: Angela 2.0, Edgy Angela, The evil one, Doctor Strange, Way-too-tall Leprechaun, etc.
  6. Moira, I already told Hana that bunnies are not allowed as pets in the watchpoint, now that rule also fits you.
  7. No putting alcohol in the punch, Akande, and "I said i was going to get you punch drunk" is not a viable excuse.
  8. Whoever let Jesse and Hanzo watch Brokeback Mountain, that was cruel. Both men wouldn't stop crying or let go of each other for a whole evening. (To be honest, everyone was crying after that film; but those two were the worst).
  9. Angela is not allowed to say "being gay" when someone asks her what's the best birth control is.
  10. I would like it if you stopped stealing my banananananananas, and Sombra will turn off the program that adds extra nas to the word banananananananananananananana.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: melody_moon, BombshellGal147, Airconhut, Beep_Boop_Motherfuckers


	61. Concerning the new year:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a new year, so here are some wishes (and rules) for all of you.

  1. Be happy.
  2. Be courageous.
  3. Follow your dreams (within reason, but don’t let that discourage you).
  4. Be kind, but don’t give your all to those who take for the sake of taking.
  5. Help those who need it.
  6. Love, be it friends, family, or someone special to you.
  7. Remember, your freedom stops where someone else’s begins. Don’t let anyone oppress you, but don’t become the oppressor.
  8. Take care of yourself.
  9. Never give up.
  10. Have a wonderful new year.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I might just end up doing a triple update, because I missed a few thanks to the holidays.


	62. Concerning mostly Moira:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise multiple updates because I am not sure when my pc will break down next.

  1. Whoever keeps putting Moira and Angela on missions together clearly has a death wish. Yes, it's nice to have two healers for once, but maybe don't put the two healers that may or may not hate each other on missions together. That's a recipe for disaster.
  2. Angela is not allowed to modify her resurrection to ignore Moira. Or any of her equipment, for that matter.
  3. Moira is not allowed to modify any of her equipment to ignore Angela.
  4. The passive aggressiveness really needs to stop.
  5. When I said the passive aggressiveness really needs to stop, I didn't mean for you to start actually attacking each other. That's worse.
  6. Moira and Angela are not allowed on the same mission unless you have a death wish.
  7. Gabriel, a death fetish doesn't count as a death wish.
  8. Moira is not allowed anywhere near Angela.
  9. Angela is not allowed anywhere near Moira. I thought you figured that out from the last rule.
  10. Fareeha, as much as I'm sure Angela appreciates you booping Moira off a cliff, she still has to resurrect her.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: SoulStealer1987


	63. Concerning current agents part 41:

  1. The Monopoly ban remains in effect.
  2. The website Twitter will remain blocked until the @OverwatchOfficial Account is deleted.
  3. The Monopoly ban now includes Monopoly online, Star Wars Monopoly, and Monopoly Jr. You all know each game ends in anything from shouting to visits to the med bay, so why do you even try?
  4. Whoever bought Ganymede a "friend" needs to find homes for the baby birds
  5. to complaints from the utility company, Tacos can only be served once a month. Taco Bell is also permanently banned.
  6. Whichever male couple has repeatedly had sex in the control room, please make sure the speakers are shut off. We don't need to know about your BDSM fetish.
  7. Reinhardt cannot use the callsigns "Mike Hawk" or "Mike Hunt" under any circumstances.
  8. Do not refer to Satya as Glados unless you like being fried.
  9. At the request of Sombra, don't touch her Takis or Hot Cheetos.
  10. Please stop tagging the insides of Overwatch transport vehicles. Tracer just spent 2 hours scraping spray paint off the doors of her transport.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Gamma231


	64. Concerning current agents part 42:

  1. At least take a break with the shrimp vs prawns debate. How did it even start?
  2. Don't start another Chips vs Crisps vs Fries debate between Jesse and Lena. It will end in explosions.
  3. Daily reminder that nobody, and I mean NOBODY is allowed to steal Angela's chocolates. Like I said before, she WILL send Fareeha after the chocolate thief and she will not heal the aforementioned thief for a month, not even if I order her to. You’ll have to go to Moira. You have been warned.
  4. No more hoodie monsters outside of rooms. It is unnecessary and a tripping hazard. Being half of your size makes not only you but others at risk of falling and breaking something for the 5th time in a row.
  5. That was not an invitation to gather at my door at 3 am as hoodie monsters. You're lucky that you survived.
  6. All oversized hoodies are now prohibited for a week. You asked for it. If being kicked down the stairs wasn’t enough punishment, this is. 
  7. McCree, I don't know if using "High Noon" with a paintball gun can be called art, but either way, please don't do it in the common areas. That being said, thank you for doing something not inherently destructive and arguably constructive.
  8. Reyes and Morrison should refrain from participating in sexual activities outside of their dormitories. Please. I've never seen so many tentacles in my life. Jack how could you even breathe?
  9. Reyes, I did not need an answer, and even if I did, "fuckin death voodoo shit" is not an acceptable one. Try again.
  10. Whoever changed all of Lúcio’s music to Crazy Frog: I hope you realized your mistake after having to listen to it for hours on end during the last mission. Lúcio, please change it back now.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: ShadeOps21, Merchantman, Sword_of_Artorias, Smol_Ukulele_Boi, mini_squatch, Alex12014, SoulStealer1987, ValsadoInferno


	65. Concerning Monty Python And/Or Life of Brian:

  1. Whoever blasted "Always Look on the Bright Side Of Life" for two hours straight in the middle of the night should either confess immediately or flee before someone else hunts them down.
  2. No, it wasn't Sombra, considering that she was passed out on the floor during the whole ordeal. If whoever was responsible for that comes forward now, I'll let them off lightly.
  3. Whoever replaced all the movies with various Monty Python titles is replacing them. (Also, do you have any idea how OLD those are?)
  4. No reenacting various scenes from Life of Brian in the training rooms, especially not the crucifixion one. Do you have any idea how pissed Mercy is right now? We really should change her callsign, by the way, because she is anything but merciful when she's angry.
  5. AGAIN WITH THAT SONG?
  6. Alright, someone here has an unhealthy obsession with Monty Python and it needs to stop. 
  7. If you need to talk to a sane person, I'm in my office most of the time.
  8. I really do hate to do this (I don't) but whoever turns in the culprit for any of the above-mentioned incidents will get immunity from dish duty for a week.
  9. Said immunity does not apply if you turn yourself in.
  10. I am disappointed in you all, and rule 7 is now null and void because I am no longer sane.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: SoulStealer1987


	66. Concerning Mercy:

  1. Listen to Angela’s suggestions during missions. ‘Your life is in my hands and if you want to fucking live you will listen’ is her motto during missions. Do listen.
  2. Do not wake Angela when she's finally burnt out after running for 72 hours straight without sleep unless it's an emergency and everyone is dying.
  3. We all know that Angela’s ‘pew pew gun’ can deal a lot of damage. However, she doesn’t become harmless when it is removed, because, remember, her Caduceus staff IS pure metal, and she swings it around easily. Don’t try to annoy her because you think you are safe with her gun missing. Genji is still flattening the dents out his armor.
  4. Angela is not allowed to shoot people because they didn't protect her. However, she is allowed to whack them over the head with her staff, so do not piss her off.
  5. Even though you can legitimately fly now Angela, does NOT mean you can fly onto the roof and hide from us because you give up and don't wanna deal with our shenanigans, however, I don't blame you.
  6. On second thought, go ahead, and bring me with you next time.
  7. Angela, you cannot just send any person you’re too annoyed to deal with to Moira.
  8. Uh… apparently, Moira agreed to it. Angela, you can now continue.
  9. The next agent to steal Angela’s glasses will be willingly given to Fareeha AND Zarya for training
  10. Angela, even though you can revive people, you cannot coat your food with cyanide and see who's been stealing your lunch from the pantry.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Game_of_Thorns, DaQuotever, Littlefrostyfox, Varis The Adrenaline Junkie, Violet_Rose_in_The_Dark


	67. Concerning current agents part 43:

  1. Hanzo and Mccree, training the dragons to bite people when they make fun of you is causing Angela a lot of trouble in the medical wing. I would appreciate it if you would stop.
  2. You are not allowed to have them eat people you don't like either, it took Angela a week to fix Genji again.
  3. Hana asked for this one: when playing the game gauntlet dark legacy with more than just you, if you use the cheat code 10000k as a name, don't take the gold from levels or boss fights. It would only be alright if the gold fell right on top of your head at the end of the fight.
  4. If you are attempting the secret character level in the plague fiend area, again with more than yourself, work together to get all the coins, so you don't destroy YET ANOTHER ps2.
  5. No, Morrison, Dr. O'Deroain is not planning to poke you with even more syringes. Or else.
  6. Moria is not allowed to modify any agents with or without their consent
  7. Making fun of Moira's eyebrows is advised against. You know what will happen if you do.
  8. Saying Moria and mercy are the same will most likely result in either a beat down from Fareeha or Moira using you as one of her experiments. Neither situation is one you want to experience.
  9. DO NOT call Moira Yzma despite their many similarities.
  10. Sombra will fix Genji, as him constantly yelling snippets of [[this](https://sounddesignerjeans.tumblr.com/post/167795290358/%CB%A2%D0%BC%F0%9D%90%A2%F0%9D%94%B0%D1%82%CE%B5%CA%B3-%E1%94%95%F0%9D%93%AA%F0%9D%90%9A%E5%8D%82%F0%9D%93%AA%EF%BD%8E%C4%8F%CF%BB%E1%B5%83%E1%B5%83%F0%9D%94%9E%E0%B8%A0-%F0%9D%93%91%D1%8F%CE%B9%E1%B6%A4%E4%B8%A8%E2%84%95-%E1%97%AA-%F0%9D%92%86%F0%9D%90%9E%E0%B8%84%E7%88%AA-%F0%9D%95%84-%E1%9B%95%F0%9D%91%92%E0%B9%93-%EF%BD%88%C9%A8%D0%BC%E1%B5%97%F0%9D%95%99%CE%B5)] or [[this](http://the-entire-furry-fandom.tumblr.com/post/130701148158/scatman-quadrouple-basslovers-bass-boost)] or squeaky dog toy sounds whenever he tries to talk is no longer funny.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Alex12014, Devon, Leliel12, MonStarCutie


	68. Concerning current agents part 44:

  1. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
  2. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot"
  3. Plan B is not automatically "Twice as much firepower as Plan A."
  4. McCree and Reinhardt WILL NOT have "Crucible" duels while cosplaying as Cayde-6 and Lord Shaxx. Reviving people is a lot easier in a game, and McCree needs to stop lighting revolvers on fire, they melt and are expensive to replace.
  5. If you are told to "go fuck yourself," please do not drop your pants and begin masturbating. Mental bleach doesn't exist.
  6. I have given you all a second chance and unblocked PornHub, YouPorn, and XVideos. Please do not post your own or other's sex tapes.
  7. After last nights devastation, I am banning myself from participating in rap battles. I roasted Reaper badly, and now I'm worried he's going to shoot me.
  8. To whoever put the stripper pole in the dining room, please remove it.
  9. Moira, please don't go within a 20 yard radius of Ganymede or Lucio's pet frog.
  10. "Send it" and any other phrases taken from Barstool Sports are banned. Anyone who uses one and is aware of it will be shot.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Violet_Rose_in_The_Dark, Gamma231


	69. Concerning current agents part 45:

  1. We aren't continuing the mission until everybody is clear on the term "Going in hardcore."
  2. Let's keep the collateral damage to under a billion dollars.
  3. Seeing how far you can lower crew morale before the mission begins is now illegal.
  4. Even if Zarya is fine with it, the Soviet National Anthem doesn't qualify as inspirational music.
  5. No one is allowed to chew an obnoxious amount of gum during chapter briefings, even if you brought enough for the entire team.
  6. Tricking Athena, Bastion, and Orisa into dividing by zero is illegal.
  7. If I silently stare wide-eyed at an agent for a whole minute after they've relayed the details of their mission at the debriefing, it usually means, "Good Lord, what have you done?" Not, "Interesting, please continue."
  8. No tricking Lena into having a gunfight with her past/future self.
  9. Mercy please stop telling Ana that Fareeha calls you mommy too.
  10. On that note, Ana please stop traumatizing our only truly competent doctor by sleep darting her and having Genji repeat “I need healing.”



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Violet_Rose_in_The_Dark, KathyMata


	70. Concerning current agents part 46:

  1. Just because Bastion's garden is public, doesn't mean you should grow experimental plants in there. The last one grew legs and walked around the base trying to kill people.
  2. Zarya, Junkrat, and Roadhog, stop trying to kill Omnics by growing plants that kill people.
  3. Nobody is allowed to do anything that has to do with Bastion's garden without asking it first.
  4. I'm done. Nobody is allowed to grow plants outside of the garden, even if you buy your own supplies.
  5. No, Jack, you cannot claim that you have a medal in Asskicking, stop telling the younger agents around the Watchpoint that you do.
  6. Lucio is no longer allowed to experiment with different music types to get his Sonic Amplifier and auras to be colors other than green and yellow while on a mission. Bastion almost started the second Omnic Crisis and it took Orisa and Torbjorn a week to calm him down afterward.
  7. Whoever introduced Moira to Pokemon will now have to prevent her from genetically engineering them, no matter how much we want Pikachu to be real.
  8. Even though Hana is 19 and obsessed with video games, please keep in mind that she is a trained soldier and probably capable of killing you with her service pistol. Even if it is pink.
  9. Whoever is replacing random objects with dildos needs to stop.
  10. Whoever stole a Zarya’s hair dye, return it. Please. It’s for your own good.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by:Beep_Boop_Motherfuckers, KathyMata, WolfChili, MonStarCutie, Falling_Star, Smol_Ukulele_Boi, 0shadow_panther0


	71. Concerning current agents part 47:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates, exams are a bitch, and a pc breaking is even worse. Enjoy the multiple chapters at once.

  1. Gabriel, stop painting peoples outfits blood red using actual blood.
  2. Moira, stop experimenting on Hanzo’s dragons, they don't appreciate it.
  3. If you're going on a candy run for everyone, make sure to get everyone their own pack of sweets. We don't need a free for all like last week.
  4. Just because you think you can drive something doesn't mean you can.
  5. Whoever drives a vehicle into the water is responsible for getting it out.
  6. Put leftovers in the fridge or the trash. I don't want to see any more moldy sandwiches that were made "Sometime last year" in inconvenient places.
  7. The ventilation shaft isn't meant to host games of Extreme Hide and Seek (or sex, lunch, and hiding from Angela's wrath)
  8. Sombra, stop programming everything to play Doom.
  9. Angela, we understand that Ana has been… abrasive with you, but that is no reason to tell her that Fareeha, ahem, "Cries for Mercy every night." The pun is clever though.
  10. When you’re about to do a sneak attack, don't play Persona 5's Last Surprise at full volume. By the time you hear the words "You'll never see it coming", they would have already started shooting at you.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: Merchantman, Dark queen, TheJadeGrenade, dudebladeX, Hellb0y


	72. Concerning current agents part 48:

  1. Sombra is allowed to hack any device that McCree is using to play bad country music.
  2. Everyone, don't hunt down people who hurt your gf/bf. This is especially aimed at Emily,Tracer, Mccree, Hanzo, and Genji
  3. If you ask any people to cook, don't make challenges for them that they have to use while they're cooking. Genji is very emotional about cooking.
  4. Junkrat, don't try to recreate Saw. A fan is angry at you because " You're not doing it right!", and I am afraid of what happens when they’ll try to prove a point.
  5. Reaper will stop singing Green Day at the top of his lungs at night.
  6. Mei, saying "(agent name) wanted to ice skate" is not an excuse for freezing the entire base floor.
  7. No shipping people. People are getting embarrassed. Also, for another case of ‘shipping’: poke holes in the box, dammit.
  8. Sombra is not allowed to modify anything on the security feed until AFTER I have reviewed it.
  9. After what happened to Hana, Moira is prohibited from bringing her own popcorn to Movie Night. It took her three days to stop glowing.
  10. Please do not threaten to chop someone's limbs or remaining limbs off.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: HorrorCupcake, CicutaVirosa, Smol_Ukulele_Boi, ThatOneThespian


	73. Concerning Skyrim and/or The Elder Scrolls:

  1. I believe I've already addressed this, but arrow to the knee jokes are both immature and likely to result in an arrow to the face.
  2. Whoever bought Skyrim for the entire base will return it immediately. I mean it.
  3. No, it is not okay to reenact any scene from Skyrim resulting in death.
  4. After the Werewolf Incident, it is now not okay to reenact any scene from Skyrim whatsoever.
  5. Cosplay is allowed, as long as you keep it from being too explicit. Remember, we have children on base.
  6. Aela the Huntress is too explicit. There are CHILDREN. On. Base.
  7. I don't even want to know where you got that many Aela the Huntress costumes, but the last rule was not a go-ahead for everyone to cosplay as her.
  8. No, Ana, I'm not being discriminatory. Or prejudiced against werewolves. Or Nords.
  9. Stop calling us the Companions. We are not the Companions. We are Overwatch, and I'm honestly surprised we've lasted this long.
  10. Skyrim is not for the Nords. According to the official lore, the Khajiit and Argonians were there first.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions by: SoulStealer1987

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [In Regards to the Current Situation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11246085) by [Faswlya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faswlya/pseuds/Faswlya)
  * [Double Trouble](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12215373) by [UnsolvedRubixsCube](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnsolvedRubixsCube/pseuds/UnsolvedRubixsCube)




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